On Mother’s Day – I Feel Grief and Loss, but I Haven’t Lost My Mom

This will be my first Mother’s Day since my mom died, last October. I want to share a hug with everyone whose mother has died in the past year, everyone whose mother will die this coming year, and everyone who feels like a motherless child. As long as you can recall the warmth of your mother’s smile, some mischief she perpetrated, or some special trait of hers, you have not lost her. She may have died, but she lives in your heart, in every story you tell about her, in every song you sing to her, and in every mannerism you carry of hers….

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

You can still send a letter

Here’s an open letter to my mom in honor of Mother’s Day and all our mothers who have passed. Perhaps you feel the same way.

Mother's day

Dear Mom,

I thought I’d have a mix of feelings as this day approached but for the moment I’m just feeling grateful. You were such a wonderful mom. Thank you for holding my head when I was sick, letting me have a dog, and holding boundaries for me when I needed someone to push against. I miss your big, comfy hugs but now I know to whom to go for that same feeling. I am grateful for all the laughter we shared and the lessons learned. There were several times last year when I asked for your suffering to end and it has. After 87 turns around the sun that filled your life and wore out your body and mind, I can say your death was not a tragedy. You gave it your best shot and I’m proud of you.

Now I am left with the memories of your strength, your bountiful, hearty laugh, and your radiant smile. And, because I’m interested in the full picture, I include your dreams, struggles, and shortcomings as well. You never thought yourself beautiful, which was a misunderstanding. Your beauty radiated out of your heart and your eyes, even when they couldn’t see anymore. I hope you see beyond that now, mom. I always did.

At first I missed talking to you, but then I found I can still talk to you, even if I don’t hear you talk back. A token part of you sits on my windowsill, catching the sun.

I have not lost you because you are in my heart.

You constantly inspire me in my appreciation of learning and new experiences, and in my habits. I think of you every time I misplace my keys or wallet like you used to do, and I hear you laughing at both of us with such love.

Mom, I see you in every lily of the valley flower, in every rainbow that would delight you, in every baby that you would want to pick up and cuddle. I eat the foods you loved and think of you.

Your body died, but I carry you still. I tell my children about how you rescued children and I will tell my grandchildren about you. As long as I hold you in my heart and my memory, you are not lost. I carry you still.

With love,

your daughter, Denise

#mothersday #deathanddying #grieving # grief  #loss  #Motherloss  #momdied